Sunday, April 14, 2013

Dragon's Teeth

** (2 stars out of 5)

The 5-star review in Star Trek Magazine that cites the episode as "nearly as good as 'Demon'" tells me that that reviewer is being facetious, or has a very different definition of "good". Also, saying the story is a callback to The Original Series implies that it isn't a mere rip-off of countless 'Atomic War Survivors in Cryo-Sleep' tales thus far.

A bunch of selfish jerks called the Turei refuse Voyager passage through their secret subspace tunnels, firing off buckshot and shouting 'Get offin' mah poperty, ya goldarn revenuers!'

Back in the day, 900 years ago, the tunnels were part of the high life lived in the fast lane by the Vaadwaur civilization. They knew the Borg when they were barely a traffic hazard, and the Talaxians when they were muddy bumpkins with hayseeds in their teeth. So, they knew the Talaxians.

In the old tongue of those backward Talaxilzay, Vaadwaur means 'foolish' in such charming bedtime stories as 'The Demon With The Golden Voice' and 'The Boy Who Lost His Head'. Having revived these quasi-Cardassian totalitarians from stasis on a whim, they now emerge to become best buddies with Janeway, famous judge of good character.

Gang up on the Turei and take their tunnels for yourselves! All you have to do is cuddle up to a bunch of elitist assholes. But the Vaadwaur can't even pretend to like humans for an hour! (See what I did there? I implied that the Vaadwaur were the elitist assholes, and then I turned it around.) Yeah, nobody's really in the right today. It's mostly about the VFX shooting at each other. I especially enjoy the bit where Tuvok blows the sneak attackers to shreds and reports "Enemy Ship Disabled".)

"Dragon's Teeth" attempts to give us this season's Hirogen, but fails even to bring us this season's Kazon. Please enjoy a more scathing review at David E. Sluss' Cynic's Corner. I certainly did. (Samantha Wildman, neglectful crack whore, indeed!)

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