Voyager visits Abaddon's Repository of Lost Treasures. Which is to say: a Space Flea Market. The proprietor is to be trusted as far as you'd expect to trust a guy who tapes beef jerky strips to his cheekbones. Oh... OH! That's his face. Yikes!Among the trash Ensign Paris finds treasure... to him, anyway. Like a lost copy of the Star Wars Holiday Special, beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder. It's a rusty, sea-green shuttlecraft of no particular distinction. Tom names the shuttle after a woman he knew at the Academy, Alice Battisti, who also did not respond to his charms, and also needed to be dusted frequently.
Shuttlecraft Alice begins picking out Tom's clothes for him, then begins consuming all of Tom's time and brains. Alice is a little cold to Torres, and also tries to electrocute and suffocate her.
It turns out Abaddon was haunted by this shuttle ghost woman, too, which is why he was so quick to trade her for Tom's vintage iPod (known as a jukebox, kids)."Alice" is plainly the SF version of Stephen King's Christine, but with graphic violence and death off the table. While there's no Harry Dean Stanton in this version, you at least get John Fleck.
Thanks to Harry Kim for outlining the Ferengi Five Stages of Acquisition: Infatuation, Justification, Appropriation, Obsession, and Resale. And, in conclusion, never love your vehicle more than your lady. I'm looking at you, My Strange Addiction guy.
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