Sunday, January 6, 2013

Scientific Method

** (2 stars out of 5)
Once upon a time, invisible aliens made lab rats of a starship crew. But enough about the Next Generation episode "Schisms", we're here to talk about Voyager's rip-off adventure, "Scientific Method".

I'm sure I'm just being a dink. After all, alien abduction tales are commonplace SF tropes... the Vians from The Original Series episode "The Empath", perfect example. Which is neither here nor there. These particular unidentified douche-nozzles treat humans the way some humans of our day treat non-humans. That is to say: with the genetic equivalent of pouring shampoo into their eyes.

Janeway has unseen needles in her head. Chakotay and Neelix are wrinkling up like old prunes. Torres and Tom are making out all over the place, although this may not have anything to do with the undetectable monsters.

Escaping erasure, the holographic Doctor hides out in Leo da Vinci's drawing class, and modifies Seven of Nine's artificial eye to see the villains. The lady drone saves the ship (except the unmourned random mustard-clad Redshirt Lass whose blood vessels all burst at once). Thanks, TV.

To prevent or cause more deaths, Janeway drives the ship into a pair of deadly pulsars to scare off the heartless bastards, in a very, very gutsy bluff. IF it was a bluff, and not a genuine suicide attempt. Either way, it's got real intensity and the actors all seem to give their best to a very hum-drum run-around. In other words, Voyager's new status quo. And, yes, one of the review stars is for Janeway in a towel. If all else fails, show some leg. Or Robert Picardo in jeggings. To each his own!

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