Wednesday, January 23, 2013

One Little Ship

** (2 stars out of 5)
A subspace compression anomaly comes under investigation by Dax, O'Brien and Bashir. In other words, they contract the worrisome medical condition known as 'Shrinkus of the Dinkus'.

Worf was commissioned by his wife to write a poem about the event. Kira has been commissioned by her entire gender to find the entire idea of shrinkage to be HI-Frickin-LARIOUS.

Difficult as it may be to imagine, the Jem'Hadar easily fall prey to animosity. Even amongst themselves! Shocker! In this case, the Alpha Quadrant Newbies versus the Gamma Quadrant Classics. The infighting is nowhere near pronounced enough to stop them seizing Defiant.

The Defiant, if you can believe this, has a hand-sized opening to space called an aft plasma vent with an anti-backflow valve. Which allows an itsy-bitsy ship to fly inside without all the life-giving air whistling out. Or, more importantly, deadly superheated plasma whistling in. I mean, come on! When Red Dwarf did this, at least they started from inside the landing bay. Fine, fine, forcefields, nanites- I don't care what you say, but say something! A fine mesh screen is not going to cut it.

Despite their supposedly excellent eyesight, the New Coke Jem'Hadar do not spot the brightly glowing finger-length runabout buzzing around the engine room.

Beaming into the circuit boards with a batch of miniaturized oxygen, Tiny Bashir and Mini O'Brien help Regularly Pint-Sized Nog release the command codes. Then a mighty wizard waved his magic wand and they were all big again. Or something.

"One Little Ship" is a not-too-terribly fantastic voyage. It takes more than Pym Particles or X Waves to make a great little adventure. But the effects are good, and maybe it was fun to make?

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