Minefield

*** (3 stars out of 5)

What's more awkward than dinner with the boss? Breakfast!... followed by talking him through your job, with your lives on the line, while peeing your pants.

That was how Malcolm Reed experienced the Romulan first contact- cowering before their blood-green ships, clinging to the outside of the hull like bug, skewered through the leg by a malfunctioning invisible bomb.

In the words of the seagulls from Finding Nemo: "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!" It seems the Romulans already love hiding things: like a "Minefield" that blasts a big bite out of the Enterprise cookie. They love hiding their identities, too, enough that no human or human ally is destined to see one and live to tell about it until Captain Kirk in 'Balance of Terror' a century from now. They even hide their language: you'd think someone with as clever a tongue as Hoshi would notice the similarity to Vulcan if they hadn't made intentional alterations. (Like Romulans say 'soccer' instead of 'football' and 'Freedom Fritters' instead of 'Vulcan Fritters'.)

I was initially so excited to see a de-cloaking Romulan ship as a prelude to the inevitable interstellar war, that I didn't notice what some reviewers called the classic hurt/comfort fanfic. I hadn't realized... Reed's awkwardness might have been caused by strong romantic feelings for his captain! Here I was thinking the only stick Archer was shaking was that weird salt-and-pepper wand or whatever he always wiggles over his food!

But now I see! It's all space surfing and pee play for these stalwart men of the future! Romulans aren't the ONLY "passionate people"!