Thirty Days

**** (4 stars out of 5)

Tom Paris just can't help being a BAD BOY.  Janeway has demoted him and thrown him in the brig. With his devil-may-care attitude, tight t-shirt, and inviting lips he'd better watch out for his cellmate... Solitary? Well, STILL. Who could resist Paris? Not even PARIS.

Rather than go stir crazy or learn to play the harmonica, Ensign Paris settles on writing a long letter he doubts his disapproving father will ever receive.

Tom begins by mocking Harry for his crush on the wrong twin sister. The oft-mentioned Megan and Jenny Delaney, (playing the Twin Mistresses of Evil) have Kim's character Buster all tied up right where they want him.  But while Jenny's hot for Harry, Harry's only got eyes for Megan. (Or maybe it's the other way around, Tom can't be bothered to try to tell them apart.)

Anyway, that's not why he's in the doghouse. There's a stunning phenomenon- ahoy! Epochs ago, an advanced people constructed a globular ocean out in space by sucking the perfectly good ocean off some planet. It may never have served any purpose, but it sure is cool!  A race of stuck-up lemming/newts called the Moneans claimed the empty maritime long ago. (Well, empty except for the Gungans and Shrieking Eels.) Now the waters are evaporating. Only Seaman Tom and his mighty vessel can save their civilization! Of course, the Monean government would have to give their oxygen mining a little rest... OVER THEIR DEAD, BLOATED BODIES!

Tom, like Travolta in that song, spends his summer nights showing off, splashing around. And slightly bends the Prime Directive, possibly. "Thirty Days", eh? Keel-Hauling's too good for the likes of him! Blow me down!