Someone to Watch Over Me

**** (4 stars out of 5)

The Doctor's self-appointed mentor position in Seven of Nine's life takes a strange turn as he tutors her in matters of romantic love. (Frankly, I love the man's slideshow. Where the hell did he get a picture of Species 8472 making out? Was he hiding in the bushes with a holocamera during 'In The Flesh'?)

Having struck out with a hologram of superhero Arthur from 'The Tick', Seven tries her luck with Lt. Chapman, an affable if awkward descendant of Johnathan Hayes. For those in the know, Hayes was Captain of the 21st Century generational vessel EarthStar Voyager (no relation). Hayes was himself descended from Stephanie Speck's jerk ex-boyfriend from the early AI biopic 'Short Circuit'. Are you getting all this down somewhere?

Meanwhile, Neelix must play chaperone to a hedonistic, lecherous, "priestly" Kadi called Tomin. Instead of prayer and somber ritual the guy wants to find out how far down a bald, blue Bolian is bifurcated. Can our helpful hedgehog keep the former Kid In The Hall from passing out drunk in the hall?

The title is drawn from the song, since the hologram and the former drone sing together while he begins to unexpectedly fall in love with her. Indeed, this is the theme song of a hologram's unrequited love on Red Dwarf as well, which probably means something in the grand scheme of things, I just can't think what.
"Someone to Watch Over Me" is an adorable, hilarious, even slapstick rom-com that deserves all the praise I can heap on it. Remember how I didn't take to Seven of Nine? Well, I take at least a third of that back! The only thing that keeps this from being 5 stars is that the writers intentionally ended the romance before it got started. I think the Doctor would have been the best thing to ever happen to Seven of Nine.