Monday, March 18, 2013

The Disease

* (1 tawdry star out of 5)
Voyager docks with a generational ship of distrustful aliens called the Varro.  Tom Paris calls them xenophobes, but they seem to be handling humans just fine. In fact, one of them is handling Harry Kim A LOT.

Harry's paramour is called Tal. Her first name is Darren... assuming she IS a she.  As their discussion of each other's unfamiliar groin-area wingus and dingus would have it: "The birds and bees would be very confused."

They're not the only ones! Before you can say 'Cheating on Libby Who?', Harry IS feeling guilty... about breaking protocol. Yes, really. Apparently there are dozens of rules about Sex in Starfleet! "The handbook on personal relationships is three centimeters thick," chirps Holy Mother Janeway. But it only makes sense that archaic regulations would be printed on archaic paper. (It's hard to imagine the Great Bird rubber-stamping THAT rulebook!) Also, you have to ask your doctor and your captain before you bump uglies with aliens.

Did Riker ever have to do that? Paris? KIRK? Did Chakotay have to beg Janeway to let him dally with that bounty hunter? Did Janeway fill out requisition forms for the EMH in order to suck face with the Devore Inspector?  557 Star Trek stories thus far and this has NEVER (so to speak) COME UP?! Frankly, I'm not buying it. But now it's canon and I have no choice. So listen to this ridiculous lecture with your fingers in your ears. Just like Riker and Kirk must have done...

Oh, in case you give a crap what Borg think, Borg apparently regard sex as a disease. No coincidence, since Harry does catch "The Disease". Unlike Earth crabs, these make him literally sparkle like a Twilight vampire.

Speaking of parasites, the Varro ship is riddled with metal-eating bugs. It's coming apart physically as well as socially. Since this has nothing to contribute to the primary story, and isn't remotely interesting on its own, I can only assume they ran out of sex stuff and just started padding.

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