Profit and Lace

*** (3 stars out of 5)

Otherwise known as "Some Like It Hot with Troll Dolls", this episode tests the limits of how much you like Ferengi. Just as Quark is doing with his new employee, Aluura. He gives her a copy of "Oo-mox for Fun and Profit" and implies that her job is on the line is she doesn't pass the orals. (Aurals?)

Speaking of misogynists, Zek was deposed when he added an amendment to the Bill of Opportunities. Ferengi females may now wear clothes. 53.5% of the population can enter the job market denied them for thousands of years. Perhaps predictably, this has caused more panic than the entire Dominion War. Somehow, Zek's only way back to the throne is forcing his in-laws to cold call the FCA, then dazzling them with his female's brilliance.

The only commissioner who agrees to the meeting is Nilva, influential deviant and Chairman of Slug-O-Cola. The company is so conservative, their advertising slogan hasn't changed in 300 years: "Drink Slug-O-Cola- The Slimiest Cola in the Galaxy". (Still better than Coke: Enjoy Stomach Cancer.)

Quark picks a fight with his "evil feminist" mother over the havoc she's wrought, and gives her a heart attack. So while she adjusts to her new heart, there's no impressive female to impress Nilva. Or IS there? Dr. Bashir does a gender-change on QUARK and then, I'd imagine, either cauterized his memory or tore his own eyes out. The Lumbering Lumba is born.

"Lumba" believes Slug-O-Cola could compete with Eelwasser by appealing to the new female market. Nilva believes Lumba is appealing. Brunt tries to reveal the sham. Lumba reveals the goods... and she's close enough for Nilva.

"Profit and Lace" is not even a little bit popular. To hear the Internet talk, it's the worst episode of the series, too funny to be serious, too serious to be funny, and proven to cause brain embolisms. But then again... Nobody's Perfect.