Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sub Rosa

** (2 stars out of 5)
Starfleet is very damn serious about demerits. They don't even let Wesley go to his Great-Grandmother's funeral.

Beverly Crusher's Nana, Felisa Howard, has passed away. The 'sure and certain hope' mentioned at her service is not of the resurrection, but she gets one anyway.  Yerggh.

Nana lived on Caldos Colony, terraformed to resemble Scotland. The Howard women (except Beverly's mom and Beverly) all had green eyes. Bev has inherited a house, a candle, and... A CURSE!!!

According to high-functioning lunatic Groundskeeper Ned Quint, the candle has been "a carse on the Hoowards" for generations. (It even cursed Howard The Duck!) In Nana's journals, the only 'curse' is Ronin, the 34-year-old lover who liked him some 100-year-old Nana!

Not by coincidence, Beverly has some sex dreams about a man-ghost. Troi does not seem overly concerned... although you'll recall: Troi was once knocked up by an energy being in her sleep! (D'ya think Wesley wants a new baby brother?!?)

Ned claims the Howard family ghost is angry and causing storms by sabotaging the weather control grid. As ghosts often do these days. The bodiless specter seemingly enjoys a classic John Forster ditty, particularly the lyric that goes: 'the pleasure of entering Beverly far outweighed any feelings of guilt.' Invisible Ronin spins a tale of falling for red-headed Jessel Howard in 1647 Glasgow AND HER EVERY LAST FEMALE DESCENDANT EVER SINCE. In twenty years, there's no chance I'm the first to say... ICK. I guess I should be thankful a ghost can't collect STDs.

"I admit... it's unusual." remarks Troi, Mistress of Understatement.

Crazy the Central Casting Groundskeeper dies trying to fight the thing in the weather machine. Beverly's eyes turn green. From orgasms, I guess.  Bev resigns to live on Caldos. Well, how is Captain Picard supposed to compete with a sex-ghost?

Ronin possesses Nana's Mouldering Corpse to electrocute Geordi and Data. Beverly finally turns against her hot mess ghost boyfriend and phasers him right in the candle.

"Sub Rosa" is a showcase for Gates McFadden's acting talents and Frake's direction. Plus, I'm sure it's fun times for the goth romance crowd. Personally, I think it makes 'Catspaw' look dignified. It's overwrought, shuddering nonsense from end to end- but, damn, if they didn't give it 110 percent.

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