Friday, July 27, 2012


***** (5 stars out of 5)
Admit it, haven't you wanted to re-visit the evil Mirror Universe from Mirror, Mirror? O.K., so it's evil, but then again it's sexy, dangerous, and sexy.

Returning from The New Bajor colony in the Gamma Quadrant, Bashir and Kira are hitting it off as well as Bashir ever seems to hit it off with anyone. That is to say, he's being obnoxious. (Except if he's actually hitting on her, in which case he should be prepared for her to hit back.)

Something goes wrong in the wormhole crossing. Camera angles are wonky, we're staring up Kira's... nose, and now the station is awash with Klingons (well, I say awash, but I doubt Klingons bathe MORE in this dimension!). Gul Garak works for Catsuit Kira, because she's the Intendant of Bajor in the Klingon-Cardassian Alliance. Bashir is tossed into ore processing with Slappy Odo. Not Happy Odo, not Slapper Odo, I mean the man doles out a lot of slaps.

Catsuit Kira is a history buff: she knows how Crossover Kirk influenced Goatee Spock to become Commander-In-Chief of the Terran Empire. The Vulcan Bearded One successfully reformed the humans by preaching disarmament and peace. Which was all very well until the Klingons and Cardassians rolled right over them for slave labour. Bajor, freed from Earth's tyranny, has become an influential power with their own humans to kick around. They have a policy of killing any crossovers. (They've got their eye on you, X-Men. Just in case... mumble, grumble, Days of Future Past indeed!)

Poorhouse Quark has never heard of latinum but he was running an underground railroad for Terran slave escapees. And he's never heard of railroads, either.

Pirate Sisko named O'Brien the miserable fix-it drone "Smiley". Milkbath Kira (same one as Catsuit Kira, but the catsuit comes off, as it transpires) seems willing to trade her Bad-Boy Benjamin in for our Kira.  'She's in love with you.' smarms Garak. 'You're the perfect gift for the girl who has everything!"

Nice Quark is executed for freeing Terrans. Bashir shoots Slappy and tries to rescue Smiley. Pirate Sisko turns on the Intendant and frees our heroes from death, and a fate kinkier than death. They make it home just ahead of the guns.
Never to return again... see you for sweeps!

"Crossover" boasts a Sinister Sisko on the prowl, the Evil Expl-Odo, and the Pleather-clad Posterior of a bi-curious dominatrix who combines campy with creep-tacular. What's not to like?
(Sigh. I wonder if my wife would like a catsuit for her birthday? Sorry, MY birthday.)

No comments:

Post a Comment