Monday, October 1, 2012

The Sword of Kahless

*** (3 stars out of 5)
Dax introduces Worf to Kor. After a long night of bloodwine and tall tales, the trio set off to recover the sacred relic called the Sword of Kahless. (Other than the one we already saw the Clone Emperor use against Gowron back on Boreth. This is his GOOD one. Although somehow neither of them look like they're made from volcano-seared hair, like in the legend...?)

1400 years old, lost for a thousand years since it was captured by those space-faring jerks the Hur'q. The Vulcans recently found the shroud of the sword in the Gamma Quadrant, and turned it over to the former Klingon ambassador to Vulcan: Kor.

Kor's plans were swiped by a Lethean's telepathy, and passed on to Toral- the bastard son of Duras Worf once spared. (Nobody killed this guy by now? Inconceivable!)

Toral is not exactly Belloq, although Kor has a certain John Rhyes-Davies flair, and at least nobody is Shia LeBeouf. Although the Sword is found and Toral's goons dispatched, Kor and Worf soon turn on each other. Kor can't believe the human, dishonourable way Worf failed to kill an innocent boy. Worf is similarly disgusted by Kor's excessive Lindsay Lohan Level drinking. Each begins to turn on the other for the right to have the sword for himself and unite the Empire under his own glorious leadership. And to the pits of Greth'or with the 47%!

Kor strikes down the Lethean, Worf defeats Toral, but it takes Dax to phaser stun them away from each other's throats. They beam the wretched sword into space rather than risking the entire planet Kronos in endless fights to be Top Dog of Thunderdome.

"The Sword of Kahless" is from the Indiana Jones school, but on a Remo Williams budget. Every word from Jon Colicos' prosthetic teeth is honied delight, but he doesn't have that much material to elevate. Say what you will about 'Stargate SG-1' and its dozens of planets that all resemble Vancouver, B.C., but there are times when I'd rather that than the same tired old dingy caves of Trek's so-called 'Planet Hell'.

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