Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Shattered Mirror

*** (3 stars out of 5)
Welcome back to Evil Disneyland- the Mirror Universe. Professor Jennifer Sisko takes Jake as an emotional hostage, luring Captain Sisko back to parallel Terok Nor.

The mining station was recently seized by the rebellion, and Smiley O'Brien stole the plans for the Defiant and built one of his own to fight the mighty Alliance. Now he wants Sisko to help him tweak it.

Jake gets to hang out with a woman sort of like his long-dead mom, and a Ferengi sort of like his BFF Nog. At least, his interest in the ladies makes him SEEM like Nog. Not a bad place to visit. At least for four days until the Bigger Badder Bad guys show up. Maniacal Laugh.

The Alliance war fleet is run by Regent Worf, bellowing at his own personal Garak on the end of a genuine Jabba's Slave Princess Leia Collar (TM). The S & M games are played on both sides, as ruffian Captain Bashir uses an agonizer device on his captured tyrant Kira.

In case you thought this reality made sense, Sisko's lady conquests get catty with each other instead of taking any significant revenge for the false pretences of his activities in their beds on his last visit. Mirror Kira even refers to Professor Sisko as 'colder than a Breen icicle'. Ms. Breen Icicle melts enough to send Jake the boy hostage back to his dimension, however.

Catsuit Kira gets a triple- by which I mean she finishes off the entire Keldar family (unless Ishka inherits the bar next.) Having been freed by a grateful Nog (happy to have inherited the bar from his soft-hearted uncle and treacherous father) the Intendant kills the obnoxious jerk and blasts down frigid Jennifer for dessert during her escape.

Sisko takes the Mirror Defiant into battle against Worf on the Negh'Var, using the frontal attack Smiley snidely dubs 'Pattern Suicide'. Regent Worf follows Garak's advice to retreat, in exactly the way our beloved local Worf wouldn't. (And, just in case Worf and Garak playing Ambiguously Gay Duo seemed appealing to you, it's worth noting that a 'Stabbing' from Regent Worf is quite literal and isn't to be recommended.)

DS9 is a series about consequences, so occasional shoot 'em ups without any follow through can be fun for the whole violent family. "Shattered Mirror" knows it's playing Star Wars. That much is clear. Worf as Vader is inspired, although I'm more doubtful about Bashir as Han and Dax as Chewie.

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