Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Way of the Warrior

***** (5 stars out of 5)
Captain Sisko is running preparedness drills for changeling infiltration. Plus he's making sure no changelings can sneak aboard in his hair. Bald worked for Picard, and it's working on Captain Kasidy Yates. She gives her man a baseball cap and smooches!

Extreme civil unrest is the least of the newly-minted Cardassian Empire's worries: Klingon General Martok drives up in a fleet spoiling for a rumble with the Jem'Hadar... or Morn... or anyone else they happen to see. And they're looking at Cardassia.

Me? I'm looking at Dax and Kira in swimsuits! This scene (foolishly removed in syndication), gratuitous as it is, earns a star all its own. Yowza!

Martok's son Drex and his goons beat on Garak to the tune of seven broken ribs. Then the task force harasses Kasidy's freighter in case it has changelings. MISTAKE! Mess with his tailor, Sisko just shrugs. Mess with his lady... better hold onto your foreheads.

Sisko could use an officer who understands Klingons. (Besides Dax, of course.) Starfleet happens to have one of those: pouting in a monastery ever since he... um... let his old ship get shot down by Klingons. A big, brooding guy we like to call... WORF! Maybe he'd like to hang out here? It's not like he has any friends, responsibilities, or sons...

Based on the photo, Alexander had another growth spurt. And FACE spurt. And he's been bounced back on the grandparents again. Couldn't keep up with him before, old Russian couple? Try Klingon tweens!

Worf punches Martok's son, flirt/fights with Dax, and plies an old man with booze, songs and head-butts. Thus he learns the Klingons are going to fight the changelings in the Cardassian government. Assuming there ARE any, which is neither here nor there.

The Klingons easily conquer several Cardassian colonies on their way over. And a Breen Fried Chicken Franchise. The Federation condemns the invasion, so Klingon Chancellor Gowron responds by ending decades of peace with the Federation. (Also, I think he kicked the Federation President's cat.)

Gowron, full of pith and vinegar, calls Worf to glory in battle. Unwilling to abandon his oath to the Federation, Worf stands up to Gowron's threats to exile him and fire his brother. Of course, Gowron doesn't make threats.

Unlike Worf, Dukat is a master of making the right ally at the right time. Dukat has recently become Chief Military Advisor to his shiny new civilian government. Sisko takes the Defiant in, riling up the Klingons to save a bunch of self-serving Cardassians who are very possibly a bunch of Changelings.

Worf must have been hitting the incense pretty hard on Boreth: he's forgotten that mission where the Enterprise used a cloaking device. He thinks the Defiant is his "first time".

In my favourite ever scene between Quark and Garak, the bartender likens the Federation to root beer: vile, happy, and cloying. "You know what the worst part is? If you drink enough of it, you begin to like it."

Deep Space Nine is now so heavily armed it can afford not to aim. They fling torpedos into the void with about a 50% hit rate against the Klingon fleet... and still win.

Worf's back in red, and it looks better than it did in 2364. He's the new Strategic Operations Officer. Softness in his eyes, iron in his thighs, virtue in his heart, fire in every part of the mighty Worf-ules!

Featuring dazzling action sequences, good humour, and riveting drama, "The Way of the Warrior" is a heaping helping of amazeballs with the sweetest of awesomesauce.

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