Thursday, September 20, 2012


*** (3 stars out of 5)

Tom Paris runs a flight simulator as Kes' instructor. It's one of those SEXY flight exams and it gets a little sexy. Ever-vigilant Neelix seethes!
Trying to avoid his crush on Kes, Tom ends up provoking Neelix into a food fight with a side order of knuckle sandwiches, see?

Janeway forces them on a mission together. In moments, predictably, they've crashed. (That's three down. How many shuttles could Voyager possibly have to spare..?)

'Planet Hell' has trigemic vapours that burn without an osmotic skin sealant. Only the orange hide of the Snooki could withstand it.

Unless Kes is feeding us a line of guff, Ocampans mate for life, NEVER suffering from jealousy, envy, or betrayal. That... well. That's very interesting. Certainly that will never be contradicted in later seasons...

Tom and Neelix get to play 'My Two Dads' with a cuddly baby dinosaur. It shouts 'Not the mama!' and bangs them on the head with a pot. It lives on high-protein fog, causing Neelix to shout the classic: "Suck those hearty vapours!"

I'm also fond of Tom's: "If you hear muffled screams, consider that a request for a beam-out."

I was pretty sure "Parturition" had something to do with barriers, like partitions. After all, they nearly choke the baby by building a wall, and much is made of relationship boundaries and communication barriers! But, in fact, Parturition means "childbirth". Anyway, it may be average, but it's a fun average.

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