Extinction

** (2 stars out of 5)

Captain Archer, Malcolm, and Hoshi are mutated into savage cave-creatures with blue teeth. I don't mean they have Bluetooth capability, I mean their dental work matches their uniforms. When they chow down on maggot-filled eggs with those azure chompers, it's none too appealing. They take T'Pol as their (hostage? bride? brunch?) and roam the jungle looking for Urquat. Not a euphemism.

The Loque'eque (pronounced Lo-KEK with extra hork) devised a virus to save themselves from extinction by turning everyone who catches it into Loque'eque. How they managed this before inventing utensils or breath mints is quite a puzzle. The local aliens (I didn't get their name because the writers are less interested than you or I) are so desperate for a cure that they have taken to burning alive anyone who starts to grow cheek bladders.

Perhaps this was an over-reaction, since the cure turns out to be something Phlox can bang out on his lunch break! Finally, despite this mad ordeal, Captain Archer actually SAVES some of the virus on moral grounds! In the words of Hank Hill: "I'm tryin' to stop an Outbreak and you're driving the Monkey to the Airport!"

"Extinction" offers little to elevate it above the last time everyone turned into horny salamanders. Director LeVar Burton was reportedly ashamed of it. The thing is, everybody appears to be trying really, REALLY hard. I can't give one star to great make-up and great performances.