Wednesday, July 17, 2013


*** (3 stars out of 5)
Because Archer is an innocent man who doesn't get imprisoned enough, here's Archer imprisoned yet again! Today's captor is Skalaar, and he is a welcome sight to this original series fan! Somehow, even though Archer's escape was rather easily achieved with bribes, Skalaar claims the human is the only one who's ever escaped from Rura Penthe. That's probably just the sort of sweeping, highly unlikely statement you make all the time if you're from a species that loves arguing. Arguing and wallowing in mud and your own crapulence.

Skalaar used to be a simple merchant. He's disGRUNTled because the Klingons impounded his spaceship. So Gruntle Piggle turned to the only sensible growth industry: Bounty Hunting. Pig the Bounty Hunter! Rooting out scum from dawn to tusk. Nobody knows the truffles he's seen!

Speaking of hams, T'Pol gets a virus that mimics pon farr. Symptoms include rubbing up on embarrassed Dr. Phlox and racing about in her underpants screaming in Vulcan and begging for a bacon double cheeseburger. I know, I know, I'm the guy who loves nudity, but A) there isn't any and B) this is pretty stupid. And just when I was getting into the A story, they have Captain Archer escape a Klingon ship in an escape pod, which we were just told (in 'Sleeping Dogs') Klingon ships of this era DON'T HAVE. Discontinuity makes me itchy- pass me the oinkment.

"Bounty": the quicker pigger upper! I hadn't realized how much I was looking forward to seeing the Tellarites again, or ANYTHING from the familiar Star Trek canon. The novels had always made effective use of the 'Journey To Babel' race of Hog-Men with the big chip on their hooves. I'm just a little baffled by the five digits on his hands instead of three, and that none of them have the stunning red nail polish so in vogue in the 2260's. And, no, I don't find him a BOAR.

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