*** (3 stars out of 5)
Arissa has a dataport, the little cyberpunk! Odo thinks the implanted computer access devices ought to be illegal, since they're often used to find information people don't want other people to know. Or, in her case, to work as a Net-Girl. In case you're considering a new career outside that nice, safe Federation Utopia, a net-girl has nothing to do with hockey: she sells access to her mind. It's a job that makes Assistant Crack Whore sound like a step up.
Hannah Bates' Identical Ex-Prostitute Cousin was trying to contact an Idanian (they make spiced pudding, you know) on a search for the daughter she gave up 15 years ago. She's trying to get all Jenny Neumonic on the station's computers, but Odo's got plenty of protection. But enough about sex, let's talk firewalls!
I'm just kidding, this episode is all about Odo getting it on. Practicing his undercover skills. Dusting her for fingerprints. Providing complimentary pat downs. I can't think of any other law enforcement nookie innuendos. Something with handcuffs? Nah, the moment's gone.
Odo persuades his semi-reformed love bunny into testifying against her crook boss Draim of the Orion Syndicate. But who's playing who? What's up with what? And how shall we avoid the hired goons?
"A Simple Investigation" has a cool twist. Which I have barely managed to resist telling you. The hints lie in the words cyberpunk, Neumonic, and erased memories. Crap, I wasn't going to mention erased memories. Too late! Also, Odo loses his humanoid virginity. Idanians enjoy their pudding, but there's always room for Jell-O.