Schisms

*** (3 stars out of 5)

Science Lizards Abduct Helpless Humans! It's a trap!

Data's poetry is really fun. I love the rhyme and structure, and they make me laugh. Nobody in the crew seems to agree with me.

Bait and switch!  It's not a funny story: it's a scary one. Riker can't get any rest and is scared of Crusher's exam. Mr. Mott's haircut drives Worf insane. Geordi's got an unknown bacterial infection in the brain. Despite what he was told, intracranial tattoos do not help him win over the ladies.

There's a tetryon leak emanating from a subspace manifold. Is it subspace's monthly visitor already?

Those with troubled memories head down to the holodeck with Troi to recover the experience. They determine that they were strapped to a cold metal table, with sharp things around them in the dark and ominous clicking sounds. It's a 7.4 on the Velma Dinkley Scale of Creepy!

Crusher determines that Riker's arm was severed and re-attached. Lt. Edward Hagler returns from an abduction with liquid polymer for blood. It does not seem to do him any good, what with killing him and all.

Riker wears a homing device and takes Crusher's stimulant to stay awake. He is soon snatched into a Subspace Domain deep in the infinite realms known as 16.2 KEV. You won't need to remember that, since I don't think you'd want to book a weekend there.

Does this order of fish monks come with an order of fries? It's like a Dr. Zoidberg convention.

Will rescues Ensign Sariel Rager just ahead of Geordi's graviton pulse that closes the rift.

A blue slinky slunk out with them, slinking out through the walls. An unknown menace they remain. Perhaps someday they will team up with the bugs from 'Conspiracy' and wave their pincers once more in the dance of conquest! Or not. You know, whatevs.

"Schisms" is effectively eerie, with a jump-out-of-your-seat surprise ending unless you faithfully watched the show and saw last episode's trailer.