***** (5 stars out of 5)
If I was Dr. Crusher, I wouldn't trust Quark's holosuite to bathe me in anything. Honestly, how could it be better than the holodeck on the D? From what I've seen, it would be like trading a day at the spa for an hour in a truck-stop toilet, complete with hidden cameras.
While we're discussing the failings of DS9 and it's sub-par technological miracles, there's Geordi at the Replimat. Obviously, he hates it, but how does Geordi know what 'liquid polymer' tastes like? Those evil space lobsters from 'Schisms' feed him some of Hagler's new blood?
Bashir is delighted to meet Data, and was using Crusher's sickbay without permission to analyze an unknown Gamma Quadrant device. Somehow, Sickbay is deserted. The entire medical staff must have jumped ship for those famed Ferengi holosuites.
Jaglom Shrek, sadly a descendant of Shrek and Fiona from the Pixar movies, approaches Worf in the Replimat. Normally if you see a talking rat in a restaurant, it's that OTHER Pixar movie. Anyway, he's the splendid James Cromwell, and he's got upsetting news for Worf: many Khitomer survivors including Daddy Mogh ended up on a Romulan prison planet. Like Worf I am suspicious: since Shrek claims it is both near DS9 and on the Romulan border. None of the maps I've seen of Star Trek space agree with that notion: they're on opposite ends of the Federation. Even in dialogue Earth is weeks away. I guess the Romulans have borders everywhere!
Bashir is pleased to learn that Data has hair that he can grow voluntarily, as well as breathing and a pulse. All this shortly before Bashir nearly stops all these functions forever when his infernal device delivers Data a plasma shock. While shut down, Data sees his father as a young blacksmith.
What does it mean? Picard suggests Data not seek meaning in Klingon or Ferengi cultural symbolism, but in HIS OWN: his culture of one. "...No less valid than a culture of one billion."
Data is inspired to paint and sketch: the blacksmith, a hammer, smoke, and black birds.
Geordi zaps Data again to activate the dream circuits. Soong appears. Now Data's cat is in the Captain's Chair.
"It doesn't make sense," laughs Dream-Soong. "No man should know where his dreams come from."
Speaking of dreamy, as a former horny teenager and now a dirty old man, I find I add a star to any rating for a bathing scene, which is how Worf meets the young lady Klingon, Ba'el, in the jungle. Tee-hee!
"Birthright Part I" wrapped up the 'B' story too early, so Worf will have to carry Part II all on his own. He's stumbled across one of those "Open Plan" Romulan prisons. Sickeningly, the Romulans and Klingons here are pretty much PEACEFUL. He'll see about that...