Saturday, May 26, 2012


** (2 stars out of 5)

It's three o'clock in the morning and I'm hungry so let's eat. Well, sorry, BNL, we can't eat: the replicators are one of many systems off-lined tonight by the new head Stellar Cartographer, Nella Daren.

She's very much like Dr. Crusher, only her job is astronomically more tedious. (See what I did there?)

Speaking of Bev, she's got a new doctor in obstetrics, Beck. He's a particularly good man to have around if your termites are choking on their splinters.

Poor Nell DOES have a super-cool portable piano with the qualities of a fruit-roll up. Except stickiness and edibility, probably. She and the Captain have a jam session on 'Frere Jacques'.

Nell humble-brags to Crusher how she got muscle strain during her evening with Picard and his thousand-year old flute. Oh, my!

The duet continues in an "acoustically perfect" intersection of Jeffries Tube 25. While there's no regs against Captains and underlings 'loading the torpedo bay' together, Picard doesn't want things to get awkward. Too late!

They get more awkward when Riker wonders whether he's meant to give preferential treatment to the boss' lady friend. I'm dubious: Riker's been in charge of personnel for, like, SIX YEARS. Why is this even an issue, let alone a challenge?

If mild office romance and charming music aren't getting you hot, how about the firestorms of Bersallis III?  Will Picard's mademoiselle fall into a burning ring of fire? Will it burn, burn burn, this Ring of Fire?

"Lessons" is well-performed, but I just don't like it much. First, Jean-Luc belongs with Beverly, damn it! Second, and probably more relevantly, in what possible circumstances would the Captain really have to order the Map-maker into danger? Is this contrived situation going to happen ever again? Isn't that what mustard-shirts are for? Third, if your romance isn't strong enough to survive your careers for a single week, why should I care about it? Don't answer that, I'm not listening anyway.

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