**** (4 stars out of 5)
Speaking of being tried as an adult, Odo is escorting Quark to the Federation Grand Jury on Inferna Prime. Unable to goad Odo into a game of fizzbin, Quark discovers that the Constable's reading tastes have gotten... spicier... since he got his new endocrine system.
"If you like that sort of thing I might be interested in selling you my first edition of Vulcan Love Slave."
Odo claims he's not enjoying erotic literature for fun. It's erotic literature to study the romantic obsessions of the criminally homicidal mind! Just like everyone who bought 50 Shades of Grey.
"Well, no one gets killed in Vulcan Love Slave. But it's still a hell of a read."
Nog is an Academy sophomore on field studies. He says his DS9 room is the Divine Treasury compared to cadet barracks. Nog might just be exagerating: I've seen his dorm room in the Marvel Comics. It's not that bad. And the Andorian across the hall doesn't always wear her uniform, either. Possibly because there are no distracting all-blue ladies around, Nog establishes daily cleaning, lights out at 2200, and hitting the gym at 0430. This drives slovenly layabout Jake crazy.
While driving each other crazy, Odo and Quark narrowly escape a courtesy bomb from Quark's prospective employers in the Orion Syndicate to crash on a barely habitable Class L planet. "Now we either freeze to death or starve to death."
They must carry the damaged subspace transmitter up a mountain to send a signal. Unable to get more than two bars, they attack each other in rage, fall over an embankment and Odo breaks his leg. So Quark actually starts hauling Odo and the transmitter. But Nog forbid Odo should think it's out of altruism: "I'm taking you along as emergency rations. If you die, I'm going to eat you."
Will Quark be forced to recreate the movie 'Alive' (or at least the movie 'Bad Taste')? Find out next week when Odo, Quark, Jake and Nog all move in together and fight non-stop until none is left!
The Ascent" asks the question of the ages: why climb a mountain? And the answer comes from former Captain Pike in the 1967 picture 'A Guide For The Married Man': "Because She Was There!"