Sunday, June 3, 2012

If Wishes Were Horses

** (2 stars out of 5)

The station encounters beings determined to make all their PG rated dreams come true.

Quark sees the future in family entertainment, expanding his holoprograms to include non-sexual themes, for young Jake and the "baseball mitten" set. "Rides and games for the kiddies... Ferengi standing in every doorway selling... useless souvenirs."

Odo reminds Quark that he finds him disgusting, while also implying that Odo finds all pleasures of the flesh-bags repugnant. Methinks the shifter doth protest too much. Or to mush, if you like.

Speaking of nobody getting any, Lt. Dax continues to reject Dr. Bashir, and despite her suggestion, a high-pitched sonic shower does not reduce his ardour.

Storyteller O'Brien is performing his fairy tales for an audience of one now, with his rugrat Molly shouting "Rumplestiltskin!"  And just like a Dal'Rok, speak of the evil dwarf and he shall appear.  So does Jake's centuries-dead batting partner Buck Bokai. Also a promiscuous Dax who wants to handle Bashir's bat.

"I am not submissive!" Pouty Dax pouts. "Am I?"

Snow on the Promenade, nobody can lose at Dabo, dogs and cats are putting in requests to share living quarters in the habitat ring. The dimensional rupture these figments are emerging from resembles one that ate the Hanoli System in the mid-23rd Century. Or ate a Canoli with gravioli? Even I can't keep the Treknobabble straight sometimes.

Ben and Buck bond over the bummer that baseball bought the farm way back when. As I understand it, baseball was replaced by Wii Sports, while hockey was replaced by beating people up and taking their Wii.

Buck, Rump and Sex Dax are explorers who hadn't encountered this thing called "imagination" before. Probably they were from another subspace realm but so frustratingly tight-lipped about themselves that I'm just going to say they were from the 5th Dimension of DC Comics' Mxyzptlk. And go watch the Superman cartoon with him in it again because it's more entertaining than "If Wishes Were Horses".

It's rather similar to "Where No One Has Gone Before", right down to the threat being defeated by star-math and wishy-thinking. It makes little sense and offers not much character insight, which would be o.k. if it was more fun.

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