Monday, March 12, 2012

Galaxy's Child

*** (3 stars out of 5)
Dr. Leah Brahms, VIP warp specialist, wants to see La Forge's engines, and he's eager to meet the real woman. "I've studied her... schematics for years." Yeah, I'll bet.

Guinan tries to caution Geordi. "Everybody falls in love with a fantasy now and then."

Right off the transporter, Real Dr. Brahms virtually growls, "So you're the one who's fouled up my engine designs." BURN!

Near uncharted Alpha Omicron VII, Enterprise is beset by a creature. Like a fat space stingray, it zaps them with lighting. Picard holds back, but finally defending the ship with a minimal phaser burst, he kills it. That is one delicate monster! How does it stand up against normal radiation, let alone the hostile environment of vacuum? Anyway, something to keep in mind next time you see one: electric space leech = extreme allergy to phaser stun.

Geordi starts tripping over himself as Brahms uncovers some of his modifications are hers. In the unsettling manner of a stalker with OCD, Geordi prepares a perfect dinner date for a woman who's never met him. Brahms remains strangely aloof.

Geordi finally admits he's studied up on her, but a relevant fact was overlooked. Brahms is married.

"The woman is about as friendly as a Circasian Plague Cat."

"See her for who she is, not for who you want her to be." Why does no one listen to Guinan the first time?!

The dead space ray was pregnant, and Dr. Crusher arranges to use the phasers for a giant Caesarian delivery. Put THAT one on your resume, Dancing Doctor!

The Large Baby Something imprints on the Enterprise, suckling energy from the ship' ample supply. They name it Junior. Riker hopes that if its grades aren't good enough for the Academy it will at least have a shot at the Cochrane Technical Institute, even though that's a total party school.

By the way, this viewscreen shot makes it clear the Enterprise sensors are pretty amazing: this ship can look at the back of it's own 'head', for crying out loud!

Oblivious to what La Forge has in his holodeck program, Leah activates it and hears exactly the worst part of Fantasy Plaything Leah's dialog from last year. She concludes the romantic encounter was sexual and is, for some GIRL reason, upset.

Geordi denies, denies, denies.

Trying to push Junior off the Electro Plasma Teat by de-pressurizing the shuttle bay fails but makes baby panic at a high radio frequency, calling in some nearby adults. Which, again, they don't want to accidentally brush against and pop like balloons. (I'm saying the Space Leech is the daintiest doily in the whole sector.)

Leah comes up with the idea to "sour the milk" Junior is drinking. I'll refrain from suggesting that being sour comes naturally to her.

"I wouldn't change a thing. Except for the way I behaved," says Brahms, far more forgiving than she needs to be.

"Galaxy's Child" reminds us males of two very important things about women: (1) always be honest with them and (2) delete your holodeck browser history.

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