Tuesday, August 20, 2013


**** (4 stars out of 5)
The living spirit of Surak (the Vulcan Bono) guides Captain Archer to the "Kir'Shara", a Rosetta Stone revealing the 1800-year-old teachings of enlightenment that have been lost on a Vulcan culture of miserly, xenophobic, bigoted, back-stabbing, self-loathing, war-mongers for quite some time now.

Tucker flies out to Andorian territory so Shran and Soval can shout in each other's faces and realize at last they have some common ground: hating the Vulcan government. Shran kidnaps and tortures Soval ANYWAY, but at least Shran feels kind of bad about it afterwards.

Tucker does his level best to defuse the frayed nerves, but Vulcan and Andorian guns start a-blazin', with Enterprise caught in the middle texting OMG and WTF.

If I've learned anything from the Vulcan military's failed attempt to murder all the pacifists, it is "Don't carry a metal lirpa directly into sand lightning." Logic!

Archer activates the fifth element stone with earth, air, fire, and water and re-boots the Matrix. Surak's original writings! Logic Thy Neighbour. Nothing Unreal Exists. Don't Eat Yellow Sand. The High Command is dissolved, President Bush... uh, I mean V'Las is disgraced, and mindless race war with Andoria returned to 'Plan B' status.

Remember how before T'Pol was a drug addict, she picked up a disease from a mind-meld date-rape? Well, worry no more, because the gentle touch of a lady Vulcan with a LOT of experience can make it all better. T'Pau cures T'Pol's Pa'Nar syndrome (then cures HUNDREDS of other sheepish clients who all mutter the equivalent of "I fell on it"). Since T'Pol's mom died when the V'Las military bombed her sanctuary, T'Pol's sham marriage serves no purpose, either. That block of wood Koss performs a Citizen's Divorce. Yay!

But who was behind V'Las' throne of skulls? Romulans!? Where the hell were you guys LAST year? Oh... right- plotting, scheming, and twirling your moustaches in caves under Vulcan. And that's exactly what I love about this season. Being a prequel means never having to say Xindi when you mean Romulan!

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