Monday, August 5, 2013

Azati Prime

**** (4 stars out of 5)
The calumny of the humans has renewed Degra's devotion to destroying Earth. Do we really have anyone but ourselves to blame, you guys?

Travis and Trip launch a scout mission into the heavily patrolled ocean of "Azati Prime" in a stolen bug ship, with stolen bug lingo. Thankfully, Hoshi does excellent work and nobody seems to use security codes or anything.

Archer torpedos three Xindi hall monitors while Han and Luke... uh, Travis and Trip are away knocking out the shield generator on Endor... sorry, Naboo. Where are we again?

Unda Da Sea, the Xindi Eel people are merrily building the WMD.

Daniels shows Archer the year 2554- where Enterprise-J and the Federation trounce the Sphere-Builders for good at Procyon 5. The 26th Century Federation has dozens of species (Not hundreds? Uh-oh...), including Klingons, Xindi, and somebody called If/thenites. (Must be relatives of And/orians.)

Brave Earth forces under Rogers, Deering, Twikki and the gang prevailed, but the trans-dimensional sore losers plotted to trick the Xindi into wiping out humanity in the past. (Not for nothing, but one busy primate-hating jackass with a phaser and a free weekend could do THAT... in East Africa 4 million years ago. These villains aren't really using the full potential of a Time War here. Just saying.)

When Archer launches his suicide mission anyway, T'Pol weeps, further evidence that she is seriously losing her shit. Under her command, the Xindi chew Enterprise to tiny bits. Will tortured Archer somehow get the Xindi Primates to listen to his wild tales of time-travelling derring-do and Reptilian treachery? Will they take his word... over Hers? And just who is... SHE? (Oprah, probably.)

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