Saturday, August 17, 2013

The Augments

**** (4 stars out of 5)
When we left our heroes, the Augments had decided to keep the fuzz off their backs by starting a Klingon-Earth War. "Sensibly", they're going to start by poisoning Archduke Fehr'DIH G'Nand and everyone else on a Klingon colony near the Briar Patch (You remember? From Star Trek: Insurrection still available on DVD, Blu-Ray, Netflix and Direct-To-Brain download.)

I'm still on the edge of my seat when Captain Archer narrowly avoids a cloud of diseases by blasting himself into space! Where he is beamed to safety with mere frostbite and burst eyeball capillaries for Phlox to contend with. Wish you had a genetically more durable body yet?

Malik overthrows Daddy Soong because the human perfectionist intends to cook up the next batch of Augment Shrinky-Dinks to be less inherently hostile. Malik LOVES hostility! To prove it, he stabs his girlfriend Persis for helping Soong escape. So much for the Malik Dynasty. The ladies don't find that sort of thing terribly endearing, I understand.

Back in normal land, T'Pol's arranged marriage has made things awkward for Trip Tucker. As Trip puts it- "Romeo and Juliet probably stood a better chance." Or as my wife quipped: "Romulan and Juliet."

It all ends with a bang, after Captain Archer bluffs his way past a Klingon Border Guard who sounds a lot like Yoda. Jon tells a big ad-libbed fib about ferrying the Chancellor to Orion... which luckily fits the rumour that the Chancellor digs Orion females. Kerplop!

"The Augments" is 'Movie Reference Episode' with the border guard being kind of ST VI, beaming off exploding ships kind of ST III, and, of course, all the name drops of Khan from ST II. Nobody saves any whales, but when Soong goes back to jail, there's a glint in his eye about designing androids instead of super-soldiers. Despite our heroes' Anti-Augment prejudice, I suspect the true lesson of Mr. Data may be that absentee fathers can be preferable to parents who saddle you with ludicrously high ambitions. What's wrong with setting a goal like "be human"?

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