When The Bough Breaks

* (1 star out of 5)

"When The Bough Breaks" is weak sauce, like the chromosomes of the people of planet Aldea.

Aldea! Mythical cloaked planet of wondrous riches, has been sought for ages like Atlantis The Lost Empire on DVD. Aldea! Suddenly it turns up today in the Epsilon Mynos system without preamble. The Enterprise put in no effort at all, merely following a trail of (as far as I know) literal breadcrumbs in space.

First Appointee Radue (Jerry Hardin) and the Desperate Housewife Ghost Narrator greet them as a distraction. Meanwhile, a scanning beam enters the ship, focused on children.

Their approach is essentially: 'Uh, yeah, hi, we're sterile. Can we buy your adorable moppets?'

The answer is no, so the Aldeans take the kids anyway and toss the ship three days away when the parents protest.

The Custodian, a giant computer, chose Wesley, Harry, Katie, Mason, Alexandra, Alexandra's tribble and all.

The kids are remarkably sanguine abductees. No tears or screaming. Just 'here's your new family, go make some art! No more math for you! Yay!'. My wife, Trish, pointed out that the Aldeans could've quietly drugged them. They DO have a lot of advanced tech, so it's possible. Free Space Ritalin with every ice cream?

Also, what kind of breeding stock is SEVEN KIDS? This seems like a terrible plan.

Harry carves a dolphin for his new parents. "A fish! We used to have those in our oceans!" say his pasty guardians who can't go outside and have nice, friendly lesions. These people don't know how their equipment works, also the depleted ozone layer is causing deadly radiation poisoning. Perfect environment for growing youths.

The kids start a hunger strike. Picard and Crusher negotiate carefully as a distraction while Riker and Data sneak in and disable the Custodian. This forces the Aldeans to turn off the harmful cloaking device, accept medical help restoring their chromosomes, and eventually make their OWN adorable moppets.

"And we know they'll make good parents," smiles Troi.

DO WE? We know they make good short-sighted, bullying, arrogant, hippy-dippy CHILD SNATCHERS. That's not the same thing, really.