Symbiosis

** (2 stars out of 5)

"The violence of those eruptions is awesome," Riker ejaculated. I mean, said.

"The level of tension on the ship is mounting," Troi gushed. I mean, said.

Who knew watching solar flares was such an arousing activity?

A nearby ship is in distress. "It's all you know, dead, I guess. It's all... shut down?" Captain T'Jon of the Sanction means he's coming down, or Picard is bringing him down, or harshing his mellow. Either way, Dave's not here, man.

My lovely wife looked up from her phone, noticed Yar and astutely pointed out- "Um, she's dead."

(This is because I mistakenly showed her these events in production order- I saw tomorrow's post yesterday. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey. Also, spoilers.)

The Ornarans are a society of addicts who believe they have a plague. The Brekkians are a society of rat bastards who have no industry but making a narcotic they pretend is medicine.

"I think you'll find it's a fascinating tale," says Riker incorrectly.

"It is not our mission to impose Federation or Earth values." Picard points out when Beverly wants to heal the addicts of Ornara. The Captain was fine with handing out space engine parts to a pair of bumpkins too wrecked to work a fork, but heaven forfend he help them kick a habit.

Many of Kirk's crew were boozers, but Picard's people are trying too hard to go the opposite way. It has been pointed out that flawless paragons are impossible to relate to. O.K., o.k., I related to them, but I was 12. And I never went outside.

Yar (rape colony Yar, I might add) has her longest stretch of dialogue since the pilot... and it's a diatribe for Wesley's benefit on the perils of drug use. According to a pamphlet she once read or something. To the churchy teen Mike with his nose in 'The Lord of The Rings', this already sounded trite and forced.

When the pushers don't make with the junk, T'Jon (sounds like the mustard) seizes Riker by the heart with his electric hands. That's not a metaphor or simile. He's got bioelectric hands. Like a strung out Lightning Lad from some 'Legion of Super-Stoners'.

When it becomes clear the Ornarans are too doped up to go on space trips (real ones) anymore, the Brekkians give them this one shipment free...

And Picard's non-interference is put to "good" use: they will not fix the Ornaran's ships for them and interplanetary trade in this system is therefore over for the foreseeable future. This parasitical relationship is about to epic fail.

"Symbiosis" Heavy-handed anti-drug claptrap. Your experience may vary. These are, after all, very talented people.

So stay in drugs, don't do milk, and drink your school!