Fascination

**** (4 stars out of 5)

Nobody gets what they want at the Gratitude Festival. Mardah the Dabo Woman has left Jake for the Science Academy of Regulus III, 300 light years away. Miles has discovered that 35 racquetball games a month with Bashir is no substitute for a wife. And even when Keiko returns on the holiday flight she's brought a sick kid thanks to the exuberant Space Auntie Mame who gave her too much candy.

Yup, Ambassador Lwaxana Troi is here to hit on Odo, who is ever more obviously secretly interested in Kira.

I thought it was impossible, but Bajorans actually have fun sometimes! Everyone writes their problems on scrolls to burn before a 26 hour day of passion.

And what's more passionate than a Betazoid telepathically spreading inappropriate love? Jake decides Mardah was too immature for him and asks out Kira! Saintly Bariel puts the make on Jadzia! Jadzia leaps aboard the USS Ben Sisko!

Keiko's plant survey is extending to seven more months, and Miles misses her so much he barks at her like an Andorian Jerk-Beetle.

Quark is not a sympathetic ear. "You let your women go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing and you wonder why your marriages fall apart." And if Ferengi marriages are so perfect why is Quark still single again?

Bashir and Kira can't stop making out. Jealous Bariel punches Sisko, Dax knocks Bariel on his butt. Even though Ferengi can't be scanned by Betazoids, they CAN catch Zanthi fever from them, as Quark is rubbing up against Keiko before the Commander figures it out. (And before the audience can finish vomiting.)

"Fascination" proves that I can usually count on Ira Behr for amusement value. This is no exception. I read that the intention was 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', but as a nerd I noticed that it's 'Sarek' played for laughs and smooches. Deep Space Nine is, for the most part, rather dour and serious. Which is only going to get worse. So I'm glad of the break for a silly bedroom farce.