Transfigurations

** (2 stars out of 5)

Once upon a time there was a guy with amnesia whose face was ribbed for Dr. Crusher's pleasure. I can't begin to tell you how little I care about him or anything he did or failed to do.

Geordi, meanwhile, still pines for Christi Henshaw.

Worf's advice? "It is the scent that first speaks of love."

This does not help.

Bev uses a tricorder to link Geordi's brain to John Doe's nervous system when they find him at a crash site on Zeta Gelis. It keeps Doe alive while Crusher rebuilds his smashed husk, with the secondary effect of making Geordi feel more confident and dateable. (I wish we'd followed Geordi's romance instead.)

A month passes during the commercial break and Bev teaches Doe how to walk again with motor-assist bands.

O'Brien dislocates his shoulder kayaking on the holodeck, something that happens all the time. Less commonplace is the way John Doe heals him with a touch!

It's taken an entire month (possibly because Geordi was spending all his time kissing Christi) but the Chief Engineer has found a star chart in the biochemical storage jar from the wreck. They can take Doe home. But he was escaping from home, so instead they drive in circles for a few more weeks.

John attempts to escape again and accidentally breaks Worf's neck, then just as abruptly brings the Klingon back to life. The fascist Zalkonians of Zalkon demand John's return as a criminal. He is accused of being a rebel who will never, ever be any good. Bev argues against handing him over to zealous Sunad for execution.

Sunad therefore uses some form of push-button wizardry to suffocate everyone on Enterprise. John Doe's counter-magic spell un-chokes them. Mind restored, John describes his painful metamorphosis into an energy being, and the culture that tried to stifle him. A demigod now, he plans to tell his people of all they can achieve in this new evolution.

What fun! Energy balls with no faces or genitals! WHERE DO I SIGN UP!?

"Transfigurations" presents a very dull look at transcendence. 'Good Samaritans heal space Jesus' has very little impact with me somehow. It was a story that wasn't working at all until Rene 'The Offspring' Eschevarria spruced it up. Good effects, good stunts, but very slight impact.

It's the ultimate long-distance relationship dating an energy being. 'Someday, you will transcend your physical body. And on that day, I hope you'll pick up the phone.'