Menage A Troi

**** (4 stars out of 5)

Taking a page from Kivas Fajo's playbook, DaiMon Tog of the Ferengi kidnaps a complete set of Trois to read his competitor's minds. As long as his competitors aren't Ferengi.

Hey, nobody said it was a great plan! Plus, Tog is really hoping to get a look at Lwaxana's Sacred Chalice of Riix.

Lwaxana is impatient with Deanna not making her any grand-babies. Why isn't she conceiving with Will Riker, right now? On the coffee table?

"...finding a husband, having a child. That's what made ME happy. At least, until now."

Deanna isn't having it, and wants the demeaning pet name 'Little One' to stop.

Wesley Crusher has passed his Academy Entrance Exam. Now for the orals. That's what she said!

Betazed is one of those blue-green planetoids you've heard so much about. Will and Deanna reminisce next to a singing bush called a muktok. (Unlike 'Three Amigos', scene does not include Invisible Swordsman.) While Mr. Homn picks berries, Tog shows up with a bouquet of bog flowers and a free abduction.

Tog's Dr. Farek beams the Trois out of their clothes.

Best. Transporter. Ever!

Lwaxana swallows her pride and her lunch and makes out with Tog. Fortunately for the sake of TV propriety, one of the most erogenous zone on a Ferengi is the ear. So Mrs. Troi strokes the bejesus out of Tog's lobes. Repugnant!

Meanwhile, Riker cons his cell guard into a chess game and a free slug in the jaw.

Hey, I thought Ferengi LIKED slugs?

Left to his own devices, Riker plants a signal in the Ferengi ship's Cochrane distortion. Wesley recognizes the rhythm but misses his ride to the Academy on the Bradbury while tracking it down.

Mrs. Troi submits to Tog, risking another round of Farek's painful brain scans to buy Will and Deanna's freedom. She also arranges for Picard to play the insanely jealous lover for Tog's benefit.

"Now, Jean-Luc, you must stop killing all my lovers, that simply HAS to stop!"

Reluctantly at first, Picard throws himself into the part, spewing poetry and death threats until the Terrified Tog returns his prize.

Although Wesley's cadet career will have to wait another year, Picard cannot make Wes wait any longer for a cooler outfit. The Captain grants everyone's favorite helmsboy a field promotion to full Ensign.

"Menage A Troi" is a hoot. Leaving aside how easy the Ferengi military is to defeat, and how ludicrous it would be to have a Betazoid for a business partner when most of your business is surely with other UNREADABLE Ferengi, I just never, ever get tired of Lwaxana Troi. Middle-aged sex slave to a Space Troll? Bring it. She's utterly indomitable.