Plato's Stepchildren

** (2 stars out of 5)

"Plato's Stepchildren" feels like weak sauce. Good performances, though, not least of which is Michael Dunn as Alexander.

Planet Platonius, big fans of the Earth philosopher Plato. Or just his dress sense, since they make no effort to practice anything Plato taught, like justice, compassion, or temperance. Also, they are psychokinetic sadists. Thirty-eight indolent ass-banjos over 2500 years old who use their mind powers to pick on Alexander, the one 'loveless' little person.

"Alexander, where I come from, size, shape, or colour make no difference. And nobody has the power," says Kirk, comfortingly.

"It will be very gratifying to leave here." Amen, Spock. Amen.

"We have had enough of your moralizing," says Parmen, leader of the Platonians. He might need a doctor again someday, so he's not letting McCoy go.

Parmen makes our crew caper, crawl, and prance. Spock is forced to laugh and cry, weeping into Alexander's lap. Alexander is made to ride Kirk like a pony. It's all very embarrassing.

Kirk talks Spock down from his quiet rage, and Alexander out of a righteous murder spree, too. Bones compares Alexander's blood to Parmen's and discovers kironide in the food is the source of his powers.

Uhura and Chapel are forced to beam down and dress up, then make out with Kirk and Spock.

Torture is threatened to the women with whip and branding iron.

UK TV refused to play this until the nineties, not because of a pink-on-brown kiss, or even a sallow-on-pink kiss, but because of the torture.

Speaking of torture, Spock sings. I kid!

Nimoy is not my problem. Fine singer, depressing song. The lyric "Bitter Dregs" feels like an anthem for the season itself. Along with phrases used for the cruel Platonian audience like "empty" and "half-dead", they seem to apply to the faltering show.

Except for this blog project, how would anyone know I even like this program? Based on this season, I mean.