Tsunkatse

*** (3 stars out of 5)

I've learned two very important things from this episode: 1) a Dermaline hypospray will prevent horrible sunburn even under two suns. And 2) what prevents stunt casting? Nothing!

The Norcadians invented a Pay Per View bloodsport holographically broadcasting deadly gladiator combat across the sector. Greedy, sadistic Penk kidnaps combatants from Pendari and surrounding worlds. All to keep himself in moustache pomade. (That's one weird moustache, actually. Is it growing out of his lip and tied behind his head, or growing out of the back of his head and pasted to his lip? Or, upsettingly, growing from two roots and woven together? Either way, this is The Moustache Jeffrey Combs!)

If Tom is to be believed Torres still has a stuffed toy targ called Toby. But he'd better watch what Borg he tells this to. B'Elanna is in the command seat today, and I wouldn't put it past her to promote Toby to the helm.

Under the tutelage of her fellow captive (a Hirogen Mr. Miyagi with the voice of Martok), Seven-san is forced to battle Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson for the Eyebrow Belt. Who will survive? Who will fall? Who saw 'The Gamesters of Triskelion'?

"Tsunkatse" had the highest viewership rating of Season 6. It had the working title of "Arena", but it turns out Star Trek already has that episode. For the moral value, if any, of this entry: I take from the routine of Louis C.K.'s "Of Course"..."Maybe". "Of Course"... the enlightened people of the future deplore violence! Perish the thought! But "Maybe"... Super Smackdown is Radical!

Somewhere between those ideas come the sighs of mediocrity.

The Fight

* (1 cerebral hemorrhage out of 5)

Voyager is trapped in Chaotic Space, whatever the hell that means. Is it Subspace? Fluidic Space? Parking Space? No idea. Mainly, I guess it means that Chakotay (the man of peace) and Boothby (the wise gardener) suddenly have a back story together as Rocky Balboa and that squinty goblin that trained Rocky Balboa.

Chakotay has a holodeck boxing program so he can beat up Prince Goro from 'Mortal Kombat'. The EMH is disdainful of 'the sweet science'... what with all the mindless barbarism. (Even though he's gained gonads, I'd guess the Doctor never added testosterone, and therefore strife.) I'm with the Doctor on this one. Boxing seems even more stupid and self-destructive than most sports.

And so, our hero loves, and has retroactively ALWAYS loved, to punch dudes in his spare time.

Thanks to a Tyson Blow To The Dome (and/or Reconfigured Neurons or some wacky crap) Chakotay begins to hallucinate. It seems he has the gene for a cognitive disorder called sensory tremens (suppressed by modern medicine before his birth). The gene made his grandfather a kook whenever he refused to take his anti-kook hypospray. The first officer has always been afraid he might someday lose his mind... which is another reason he probably shouldn't bash it in for fun.

Chakotay communicates with Kid Chaos (whatever that means). By punching him (whatever good that does). Then everyone pretends this never happened. If only this was still the Silver Blood ship!

"The Fight" warps Chakotay from a pacifist and contemplative thinker who only fights when he must, to a dumb jock who likes hurting others. Was that a good idea? I come down hard on the side of 'No.' No, it was not. And if you'll recall, I LIKE Chakotay. So, if you don't like my review, you'll find me ready and willing to avoid engaging you in pugilism over it at any time.