In The Flesh

**** (4 stars out of 5)

Those tripodal space invaders from the dimension as full of green goop as my own lungs are back with a crazy new scheme. Like the pod people of Mill Valley, they've taken the shape of everyone at Starfleet Academy. They've also taken the shapes of Commodore Ross from Space Above and Beyond, Billy Pelzer from Gremlins, and Poopdeck Pappy from Popeye.

To what end? These people, if you'll recall from the first brush of Kes' telepathy, were devoted to the destruction of all life in our galaxy. Now they're so utterly devoted to infiltration that they are willing to sneak in among the humans they hate and fear like a disease. And hang out with them on dates!

In fact, the one pretending to be Valerie Archer (Hmm. Famous family? We'll think more of that name later.) is willing to sneak in really, really close to the specific disease called Commander Chakotay. For smooches!

The pod grown from Gardener Boothby has decided not to believe a thing Janeway says, since her high-minded ideals are clearly "targ manure"... if she'll ally with Borg. Huh. Funny, that. I drew the same conclusion last year.

"In The Flesh" finally, brings up the consequences from Janeway's off-the-rails decision during 'Scorpion'. It's just too bad they weren't as severe as the "good guys" deserved. Instead, with a mild afternoon picnic where they play at being slightly less attack-y, Voyager suddenly has Species 8472 giving them flowers. It's almost as though some writer remembered what Star Trek morals used to be. BUT THEY STILL NEVER ASKED THEM THEIR REAL NAMES! "No, honest, we HATE the Borg. We only harbour one, coat our ship with their technology, and repeatedly call strangers by their Borg names. So why aren't you nicer to us, Species 8472?"

Inquisition

**** (4 stars out of 5)
Dr. Julian Bashir, genetically engineered monster, proven liar, and surrender-monkey falls afoul of Starfleet Internal Affairs Director Sloan and his cronies. Are you a Dominion spy, they ask? Are you sure? Are you SURE you're sure?

Well, THAT'S what a spy would say!

The watchmen-watchers clap Bashir in Jeremy Irons... but who's lying to whom? What's really happening? What rank is it again if your pips are UNDERLINED?

Sloan purports to work for Section 31, created in the original Starfleet Charter to autonomously protect the good guys by any means necessary. Galaxy Defenders, here come the Men In Black, they won't let you remember. Show love to the black suit.

Like the actual James Bond franchise, spying is all fun and games until the waterboarding starts. Is Section 31, by virtue of its lack of virtue, the only thing keeping the Federation afloat? And if so, YIKES. The Great Bird of the Galaxy must be spinning in his space-bird grave.

In the wise, panicked words of Chandler Bing: "Can... Open. Worms... EVERYWHERE."

With "Inquisition", writer/producer Ira Steven Behr seems convinced that a utopia like Roddenberry's doesn't exist without some grown-ups around to do the murdering.

Every society has above-the-law covert agencies, like the Romulan Tal Shiar and the Cardassian Obsidian Order. Or in the present day, the USA's CIA and Canada's CIBC.

I have no desire to see the future ensured by leather-clad goose steppers perpetually asking every Explorer Dora "What's in the Backpack, kid?", but Section 31 makes for top-notch drama. And that's what I tune in for, peeps!

The Dauphin

** (2 stars out of 5)

Salia, 16-year-old hereditary head of state for planet Daled IV has lived in total isolation save for governess/bodyguard Anya. Enterprise is taking her home, and wouldn't you know it? She's kind of a nerd. Wesley's heart goes pitter-pat, and also what a terrible time for his pants to never quite be closed at the back.

Worf's roaring, clawing, description of Klingon women and the men who read love poetry to them is not the kind of wooing Wes has in mind. "Then go to her door. Beg like a human."

Riker and Guinan demonstrate flirting and quickly get caught up in the act. It brings a smile to my face to watch them forget the kid is even there.

Wes suavely takes Salia on a holodeck date and to Ten-Forward for chocolate. To Suavely Go... I'm not kidding. He's doing fine. At 16 I was a stiff, clumsy, addled goober around girls and anyone who'd tell you different is dead.

Speaking of disposing of evidence, Picard and Worf barely stop Anya from killing a mildly sick man on the off chance that he might be contagious to her young. Anya is not just an aged governess, but is a teddy bear, girl's best friend, and BEM. She's a shape-shifter.

Wes' first kiss with Salia is quickly followed by the discovery that she is as much an allasomorph as her protector.

Deal-breaker!

"The Dauphin" is o.k. Inconsequential fluff. Despite the director's opinion, I think the monster suits hold up fine. And the shape-changing animation is top-notch!

Wes comes across as strangely close-minded and judgmental about Chameleon Lass. I'm not saying I'd choose differently in his place or at his age; there was dishonesty on her part. AND her job is a big impediment. But a nerdy girl who likes kissing doesn't beam in every day, man! And more importantly: Two Words.

Shape. Shifter.

Who would be so quick to dump a Royal who can list her measurements as: ANY?