The Seventh

** (2 stars out of 5)
No, not the Seventh of Ninth,  "The Seventh"! That's what they called this season's seventh episode. And you thought they were out of ideas!

From the opening deadpan: "We've located Menos.", I'm wondering if they mean Manos, The Hands of Fate. And kind of wishing I'd tried to review every episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 instead of every episode of Star Trek, because even when MST3K is terrible, it's funny.

Thirty years ago, hundreds of surgically altered Vulcan spies hid within the corrupt society on planet Agaron to root out evil and avoid talking to their loved ones. Some of them liked living with the English and never came back to Amish country. Menos, for example, got a job smuggling the toxic components of transgenic weapons. Which are probably like metagenic weapons but less meta.

Menos claims total innocence, just minding his own beeswax hauling poisonous spent warp injector casings to feed his family, do-de-do!. T'Pol, logically, runs out to his ship and opens, handles, and licks all the rusty casings to prove he's lying.


It turns out TPol had the 'Fullara' ritual performed to repress her past as a government hit ma'am.

So THAT'S why T'Pol always looks like she's about to bite you or cry or both. She's a killer with traumatically induced amnesia! That old chestnut! "Science Officer" is just a cover like "dealer in spices" or "Sir Hilary Bray" or "Steven Harper". Thankfully, they didn't take T'Pol into their bosom and trust her word on everything science-y. Oh. Wait.

Turnabout Intruder

*** (3 stars out of 5)

It looks like the folks at Elba II missed a couple of homicidal nuts when they found the last 15 in the galaxy back in "Whom Gods Destroy".

Dr. Janice Lester, space archeologist, and Dr. Coleman, MD (Malpractice Douchebag) found an ancient alien mind-switching machine on Camus II. She ordered their team of witnesses into areas of deadly radiation and he failed to treat them. Then they hatched a dastardly scheme. Fiendish, even.

When the Enterprise shows up, Lester is faking sick until she's alone with Kirk. (They were in a bad break-up after a year together in the service.) She feels his "world of starship captains doesn't admit women" and whether or not that's literally true, she's found a loophole: she steals his body. While she's gloating in his, she ironically doesn't have the balls to strangle him in hers. Beaming up, Janice the Man is in charge, while Kirk the Woman is made to rest, stay sedated, and be quiet.

Spock and McCoy suspect "Kirk" almost from minute one. Chapel, sadly, believes Coleman and straps "Mad Lester" down and brings her a glass of PomWonderful. Kirk cuts her bonds and makes a run for it, but Big Stong Lester knocks her out again in front of Bones and Spock.

Bones has "Kirk" submit to exams including the Robbiani dermal-optic test to reveal basic emotional structure. Spock talks logic with "Lester" who acts very much like Jim, and telepathically reads as Jim. Telepathy is not admissable, and the Robbiani doesn't show an emotional disorder. (Some test! What happened to the brain scan that conclusively showed Mira Romaine was possessed? Not to mention the psychotricorder...)

Man Janice gets Spock, McCoy & Scotty on recordings talking mutiny, and orders their unlawful execution. Sulu, Chekov, and Lt. Lisa (identical cousin of Angela Martine) thankfully refuse to obey Captain Janice Crazypants.

Coleman's attempted murder of Prisoner Girl Kirk prompts their minds to switch back. Coleman says he'll look after Janice, but I hope no one lets him. You know... murderers.

Kirk's final line "Her life could have been as rich as any woman's. If only... if only.." Well, it's very Enigmatic, kids.
If only... Starfleet gave Captain's seats to homicidal maniacs?
If only... Kirk hadn't shattered Lester's mind when he left her for some blonde?
If only... women knew their limits?
If only... she was guest starring on 'The Mod Squad' instead?

"Turnabout Intruder" works on a pair of strong gender-swapped performances. It's no 'Freaky Friday' or the one with Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman urinating, but it's O.K.

Season 3 is weak, but without it Star Trek would not have reached syndication.
Where it got noticed big time.
And its legend grew.