The Forsaken

**** (4 stars out of 5)

An Arbazan, a Vulcan, and a Bolian walk into a bar...

Taxco, Lojal, and Vadosia AKA "The Ambassadors of Unhappy" are the picky, picky thorns in Bashir's side, while Ambassador Troi wanders off and attaches herself to Odo.

Odo was simply doing his job, catching the Dopterian who stole Madame Troi's brooch. But she sees him as: "The thin beige line between order and chaos!"

Taxco has a Cardassian bed with wood poles and gargoyles? And she's complaining? That sounds like the best one! Every other bed we've seen here is a dull grey futon. (Or a bucket.)

Yesterday, O'Brien's archenemy was the station's truculent Cardassian computer, but ever since a probe from the Gamma Quadrant arrived it's been downright helpful. Except if Miles takes breaks or leaves it alone for five seconds. Then it intentionally causes malfunctions to get attention.

Lwaxana is on the prowl for her brave Jello Lawman. Odo is out of his depth in a humanoid romance, and not interested in learning to... plumb... those depths. "Procreation does not require changing how you smell, or writing bad poetry, or sacrificing various plants to serve as tokens of affection."

He tries to make Troi back off. "I am not like you! Every sixteen hours, I turn into a liquid!"

Lwaxana shrugs. "I can swim."

Cardassians are insane! Who builds a high-speed turbolift with no doors? It looks like if you fell against that far wall you'd be minced into shoarma! Although maybe Odo would prefer that to being stuck in it with Lwaxana. She makes it explicit that she made love to her kidnapper Tog back in 'Menage A Troi'. Odo contemplates electrocuting himself rather than hear about it.

She wears him down, and finally Odo opens up to her. He spent his early, lonely years in a lab. He tried to fit in by imitating things at parties. "The life of the party. I hate parties."

Turning to liquid is a private matter to Odo. He doesn't want to be seen doing it. Lwaxana takes her wig off in front of him, tit for tat. When he finally can't help but go soft, she holds him safe in her lap. (Yes, I listen to myself. That's what happened!)

"The Forsaken" has a lot of great comedy lines, a technical breakdown with an clever fix, and a sweet heart. Majel really brightens up this dingy station, and made me see Odo for the first time. I liked him right away, but this was where I first loved that poor shifter.

Rightful Heir

**** (4 stars out of 5)

What if God was one of us? Just a troglodyte like us? Just a stranger bringing his bat'leth on the bus?

Worf's missed his shift and gone cross-eyed from chanting and burning the midnight incense. Since failing to find his father, he's tried to fill the emptiness with faith. What does Worf worship, you ask?

Like Jesus, King Arthur, and Sir Charles of Sheen, Kahless the Unforgettable laid down the law and said he would return. Ever since Kahless died in 822 A.D., his people have tried to follow his path of honour. Klingon faithful await him on planet Boreth, orbiting a star he may once have pointed at.

Well, he's back now. In the gnarly flesh. He hopes to unite Klingons who have lost their way and get them to stop fighting among themselves. Great theory. Of course, one wonders who they'd fight if they ever did...

Worf is skeptical of this fully mortal Kahless, and Chancellor Gowron is downright pissed. Dr. Crusher confirms Kahless' blood matches that on a sacred artifact called the knife of Kirom. (They keep it in the Vault of L. Ron Hubbard next to the Shroud of Turin and the Majestic Q-Tips of Ferenginar.)

Somehow, Gowron thinks Worf still has influence in the Empire. Wasn't Worf kicked out again for refusing to kill the Duras kid? Kicked out BY Gowron, no less!

Whatever the case, Gowron questions Kahless's expounding on scriptural stories but inability to recall details. Then, far more damning, the Chancellor easily bests Kahless in combat. That's like a random monk outdoing the Buddha at koans and overeating!

Koroth the Cleric admits to Worf that their saviour was cloned and his memories were implanted.

But it turns out your average Klingon is o.k. with that. Clone Kahless becomes the first Emperor in 300 years, and a spiritual figurehead, but hella popular.

Still empty, Worf wonders if Sto-Vo-Kor (the afterlife) exists, and if Kahless is really there. The Emperor suggests that the teachings may be more important than the man.

"Rightful Heir" looks different to me now. Once blasphemous, now not secular enough. Changed impressions on subsequent viewings- doubtless the mark of a good story. Speaking of looking different, when we last saw Kahless in 'The Savage Curtain', he was a manifestation based on young Captain Kirk's take: the equivalent of Lincoln or Surak only deadlier and with a talent for voice impressions. It's fair to say Kirk had never seen a painting of Kahless, what with the lack of ridges and all.

If Wishes Were Horses

** (2 stars out of 5)

The station encounters beings determined to make all their PG rated dreams come true.

Quark sees the future in family entertainment, expanding his holoprograms to include non-sexual themes, for young Jake and the "baseball mitten" set. "Rides and games for the kiddies... Ferengi standing in every doorway selling... useless souvenirs."

Odo reminds Quark that he finds him disgusting, while also implying that Odo finds all pleasures of the flesh-bags repugnant. Methinks the shifter doth protest too much. Or to mush, if you like.

Speaking of nobody getting any, Lt. Dax continues to reject Dr. Bashir, and despite her suggestion, a high-pitched sonic shower does not reduce his ardour.

Storyteller O'Brien is performing his fairy tales for an audience of one now, with his rugrat Molly shouting "Rumplestiltskin!"  And just like a Dal'Rok, speak of the evil dwarf and he shall appear.  So does Jake's centuries-dead batting partner Buck Bokai. Also a promiscuous Dax who wants to handle Bashir's bat.

"I am not submissive!" Pouty Dax pouts. "Am I?"

Snow on the Promenade, nobody can lose at Dabo, dogs and cats are putting in requests to share living quarters in the habitat ring. The dimensional rupture these figments are emerging from resembles one that ate the Hanoli System in the mid-23rd Century. Or ate a Canoli with gravioli? Even I can't keep the Treknobabble straight sometimes.

Ben and Buck bond over the bummer that baseball bought the farm way back when. As I understand it, baseball was replaced by Wii Sports, while hockey was replaced by beating people up and taking their Wii.

Buck, Rump and Sex Dax are explorers who hadn't encountered this thing called "imagination" before. Probably they were from another subspace realm but so frustratingly tight-lipped about themselves that I'm just going to say they were from the 5th Dimension of DC Comics' Mxyzptlk. And go watch the Superman cartoon with him in it again because it's more entertaining than "If Wishes Were Horses".

It's rather similar to "Where No One Has Gone Before", right down to the threat being defeated by star-math and wishy-thinking. It makes little sense and offers not much character insight, which would be o.k. if it was more fun.

Suspicions

*** (3 stars out of 5)

When Guinan makes a house call on Dr. Crusher about her tennis elbow, she gets an earful instead: Bev's facing an inquiry for, I dunno, curiosity or something.

To convince her scientific colleagues of the value of the invention of the Ferengi Dr. Reyga, Bev invited them all to the Enterprise for cookies and one-upsmanship.

Reyga's metaphasic shield can protect a shuttle within a star's corona, but he needed resources to develop it. He was a weird Ferengi: the only opportunity he sought was to be acknowledged and respected. What a jerk! No wonder these Federation types turned on him.

Something went wrong and pilot Jo'Bril died. Beverly's autopsy was both non-invasive and inconclusive. His Takaran internal anatomy is distributed throughout the body in a way she'd never seen. He's not even decaying right!

Disappointed and angry, Reyga was found alone in Lab Four seemingly dead by his own hand. His family refused to allow autopsy: by unshakeable custom never mentioned before or since his body must be buried without violation. (Even non-invasive scanning? Nothing in this episode makes it sound like Reyga's valued enough by Ferengi standards to become a Corpse Collectible like the Nagus. So why no autopsy? It's not an insight into Ferengi Culture so much as a plot device.)

Full of "Suspicions", Detective Beverly interviews the other scientists. Her accusation against Kurak does not go well: she throws the nosey doctor across the room. But out of guilt or ordinary Klingon rage? Maybe SHIP'S SECURITY should be doing this... Nah. Where's the sense in that?

Beverly autopsies Reyga anyway, turns up nothing and is removed from duty. Riker urges her to stop making things worse. Nurse Alyssa Ogawa helps her continue to investigate, otherwise known as making things worse. (It looks like friendship and loyalty, but if you think about it, once Beverly's fired maybe Ogawa gets more scenes!)

Crusher steals Reyga's shuttle to test the sun-shield herself. It works fine. She is set upon by Jo'Bril: he's stopped hiding in the morgue drawer and started hiding in a foot locker. He can control his body at the cellular level, faking death. With Crusher's demise, he can take the technology back to Takara and weaponize it. Without attempting to stun him, Bev phasers a hole through his chest. When this doesn't work, she disintegrates him.

Way to kill, doctor!  Here's your job back.

Progress

**** (4 stars out of 5)

Nog overhears an opportunity: a careless order of 5,000 wrappages of Cardassian yamok sauce (now useless). "Recycling" them for his uncle Quark, Nog conspires with Jake to trade them to a Lissepian for 100 gross of self-sealing stem bolts. The Lissepian has a built-in beard but is not too free with instructions. Even O'Brien doesn't know what the bolts are for! But somebody does, and trades them for seven tessipates of land. Before anybody has to swallow a dog to catch a cat, Jake & Nog's No-J Consortium end up selling to the Bajoran government... by way of Quark.

That same government, with Federation help, is about to tap the molten core of Bajor's fifth moon, Jerrado, for enough energy to heat hundreds of thousands of homes. Great theory, but the evacuation of the moon missed some squatters. Crusty Mullibok and his two mute pals plan to stay on their katterpod bean farm. They fled the Cardassians and they won't flee uniforms again. Mullibok believes he will die if he leaves his home of 40 years, so he'd apparently rather die in seven days when an energy beam spears out of the sky to spilt Jerrado like a sulphurous egg.

Kira asks her government rep to reconsider phased energy retrieval: a slow but ecologically sound method. But when has THAT ever worked? Instead, forced evacuation, security guards stabbed, and Mullibok shot. Kira whips off her uniform to tend the old jerk in her crochet muscle shirt. She even builds him a kiln. Sisko comes after her, tells her he needs her, he likes her, and that she need not link her fate to Mullibok's. When the farmer's recovered and the kiln is built... Kira blows it up and burns his house down. So there.

Has anybody got the Genesis Device to work in the last 9 decades? (Rhetorical question: "Home Soil" strongly suggests they haven't). So why waste a perfectly good Class-M moon? If you'll recall from the B-story, Bajor is so desperate for farmland they're buying it from Jake and Nog.

That aside, there's a metaphorical level where I side with Kira. "The needs of the many" do, indeed, often outweigh the needs of the few or the one. Mullibok's petulant "I will die if you move me" attitude seems deeply selfish. He's like the noisy minority that calls down God's curses on the world of science, clinging fiercely to the past when the past was actually much shittier in every respect (including literally).

 "Progress" is half whimsy and half grimly real. Great performances from Brian Keith and Nana Visitor. I guess what's best here is the lack of easy answers. I'm pretty sure both Kira and Mullibok are in the wrong, but I can't see a better solution in the conditions created by the story. (Unless it's replicating the old coot an identical house with all the bountiful energy this project offers. Or beaming the original house to Bajor.) Any thoughts?

Frame of Mind

***** (5 stars out of 5)

Riker's rehearsing "Frame of Mind", Doctor Crusher's play about insanity, with doctors tormenting patients as treatments. With a name like Crusher, the scary is built right in!

Tilonus IV's government has collapsed into anarchy, and resorting to torture of the Federation research team for technological information. Worf briefs Riker on his undercover role in the rescue mission. The Klingon accidentally nicks Will's temple with the bartering knife.

Bowing to the audience after the play performance, Riker finds himself in Ward 47 of the Tilonus Institute For Mental Disorders, suffering from the delusion that he belongs on a starship.

He's surrounded by crazy Tilonians with vaguely barn-owl faces. David Bowie's Goblin King does not make an appearance, but he might not be out of place in this nuthatch.

The burly orderly Mavek gleefully tells amnesiac Riker that he was brought in for a brutal stabbing murder. When Riker attacks the guard in rage, he is sedated with the biggest needle ever used by horse doctors...

And wakes from a nightmare back on Enterprise.  He performs the play again for the first time, but now he sees Tilonians who are not there, and the set itself encloses him with chiaroscuro menace.

After Crusher's exam shows nothing is wrong, Data praises Riker's vivid portrayal of dementia.

Will's reality keeps breaking, flipping between the ship and the institute. Whenever Crusher heals the cut on his head, the wound re-opens. Tormented by delusions, Will desperately seizes a phaser and turns it on himself. Or is he holding a knife?

"Frame of Mind" is where I first noticed that writer Brannon Braga could be counted on for what 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' might indelicately refer to as "a mental mind-fuck". I usually go in for the laughs myself, and there aren't any easy ones here. It's creepy as can be, a totally disturbing spiral of confusion, chaos and fear. It's not especially violent, because it's trying to give us all the chills instead. And succeeding. Special effects are minimal but outstanding. Everybody puts in a twisted showing as not-quite-themselves, while Jonathan Frakes is captivating. Hold your loved ones close and remember it's all in your head...

The Storyteller

*** (3 stars out of 5)

Sisko and Kira mediate a border dispute between the Bajoran villages of Paqu and Navot. Young Paqu mayor Varis Sul wants to stick to the letter of an old treaty granting her village unreasonable concessions. Pie-scarfing (man after my own heart) Woban of Navot is not so keen on that, as you might imagine. For all those who complained about talky negotiations in The Phantom Menace, at least it had an exploding ship and two laser battles by this point.

O'Brien and Bashir make the two hour trip to Bajor by runabout in uncomfortable silence and equally uncomfortable conversation. O'Brien finds Bashir nearly as annoying as Dax does. (Although clearly not annoying enough to use the warp engines. Even at a measly Warp One this trip could be four times faster. Are there posted limits? Bajoran speed traps?) They arrive at a third village. A dying holy man, The Sirah, is too ill to defend the villagers against the wind and storm of the Dal'Rok. When Sirah dies, the unprepared O'Brien must lead the village in a light show of unity to dispel the big, bad gasbag. The one in the sky, I mean.

Nog would rather drop things on people from the Promenade overlook than play baseball with Jake.  And both boys would rather make time with Varis Sul. Only the Prophets know why: she's quite a piece of work. She could learn a thing or two about dignified leadership (if not sensible dress) from Padme Amidala. Nog badgers Jake and Sul into swiping Odo's bucket for a prank. He fills it with oatmeal and "accidentally" spills "Odo" on Jake. Har dee frakkin' har. Can somebody get these kids a violent videogame?!

O'Brien doesn't know how to defeat the Dal'Rok, and doesn't need the free wives, nor a life of blessing babies. The Sirah's disgraced original apprentice agrees, and tries to solve the problem with stabbing. The Dal'Rok and the light show turn out to be creations of a Celestial Temple Orb Fragment.

Does every village on Bajor do this? Every year? You'd think there wouldn't be enough Orb chunks to go around. You'd also think people would get wise to the catharsis. "Oh, Dal'rok time again. I wonder if we'll drive it away like we've done every night this week?"

"The Storyteller" probably deserves better than 3 stars. Like much of this season it feels competent but not exactly engaging. Nog's advice to Sul to seek opportunity is more useful than Jake's advice to do whatever his father says. That's  probably why she kisses Nog at the end. She's the first Bajoran to kiss a Ferengi, but she's not the last.